After nearly being derailed by the holidays, I am now back on track. They were tough this year. Felt very behind.

I was also very, very crabby, which is so unlike me at this time of year. Usually the first sounds of holiday music and even the conspicuous consumerism make me smile.

This year, however, I was feeling angry. Why? Because I don’t want to have birdshot anymore. I’m done. I quit.

Now if I can only figure out how to send it back…

I began the zenapax infusions Dec. 28 at Albany Medical Center. I was a little nervous but it went fine. It took four hours, two of which were spent waiting, with a needle in my arm, for pharmacy to get the solution correct. Next round is scheduled for Jan. 11. And I’ll continue the go round every two weeks.

For now, it’s more wait and see.

In the meantime, here’s a quote I picked up online:

“It is my observation that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb.” – Linda Noble Topf, author of You Are Not Your Illness