I met a woman recently…actually the timing of the connection was unbelievable but more on that later…who has birdshot, like myself. One of her docs suggested she get tested for Celiac Disease even though she wasn’t experiencing symptoms (well, other than liver enzyme issues, possibly pharmaceutically induced). She thought it was a strange idea and wasn’t expecting anything. To her great surprise, the test returned positive.

In conversation, this woman suggested that perhaps there is a connection between BSRC and gluten intolerance. I wonder. The test is on my list for my next blood test.

So, this got me thinking of the power of food, how it can make our bodies ill, heal them and keep them in balance. Maybe I’m a slow learner but it took me 40 years to get this notion, that what we ingest has a big impact on our overall wellness or sickness.

In light of this, I’ve been following an elimination diet as prescribed by a naturopathic doctor (Jennifer Orlowski, www.cnynaturopathiccare.com) for a few months now. The focus is on getting clean via the diet, which requires abstinence from sugar, wheat, dairy, eggs, citrus, coffee, alcohol. Just lots of veggies and fruits and whole non-wheat grains. I’ve been following it since Jan. 1 (toyed with it during the month of December) and all I’ll say is that it’s very challenging. I’m down something like 20 pounds from my highest point (thanks to a steroid-inspired eating frenzy…why some people take any version of that drug recreationally is just beyond me). However, yesterday I ate a bagel. And it tasted SO good. I wonder now if I’ll have to go back to square one. Oy.

In the meantime, I’m maintaining my focus on living and being well and kicking this eye thing into complete remission.

Wish me luck, friends.

Re-read that last post. Could it be any more full of self-pity? Gawd.

Time to moooooove on.

I wrote an earlier post on people who ask about how I am or how my eyes are doing, people who ask but don’t really want to hear any answer other than, “Fine.”

I bring it up again now because I just had another experience that seems to have sent me over the proverbial edge.

In the beginning of this whole go-round, I would respond truthfully when asked, only to see a look of disinterest wash over the other person’s face or, if speaking on the phone, hear the urgent desire in the other party’s voice to move on. So, I got to the point where I kept information to myself. I mean, why bother? I’m doing what I can. I know how I feel about all of this and I’ve gotten pretty good at picking up on when someone really is or isn’t interested.

So here I am this morning in the midst of a telephone conversation and finding myself lulled into responding to the very question. I reply with how I’m doing - I have conjunctivitis, left eye, that has occurred twice now in four months and it’s a royal pain.

The person couldn’t have changed subjects quickly enough.

Erg! Here’s a lesson to all of us: if we really don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question!

This scenario makes me angry, I think, because I feel vulnerable when I open up to people. When I get shut down conversationally like that, red flags go up. Why would I even want to share anything with that person?

If there is a lesson here, as I am told there is in everything, it is to be more careful. I have a precious few people to whom I can talk honestly and I’ll save my commentary for them.

Is that cynical or guarded? Don’t care. Cuz I’m…just fine.

After nearly being derailed by the holidays, I am now back on track. They were tough this year. Felt very behind.

I was also very, very crabby, which is so unlike me at this time of year. Usually the first sounds of holiday music and even the conspicuous consumerism make me smile.

This year, however, I was feeling angry. Why? Because I don’t want to have birdshot anymore. I’m done. I quit.

Now if I can only figure out how to send it back…

I began the zenapax infusions Dec. 28 at Albany Medical Center. I was a little nervous but it went fine. It took four hours, two of which were spent waiting, with a needle in my arm, for pharmacy to get the solution correct. Next round is scheduled for Jan. 11. And I’ll continue the go round every two weeks.

For now, it’s more wait and see.

In the meantime, here’s a quote I picked up online:

“It is my observation that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb.” - Linda Noble Topf, author of You Are Not Your Illness