I’ve been thinking a lot lately about politeness and etiquette. Strange, I know, but it does apply here, specifically in terms of health challenges and how much inquiring minds really want to know. When someone asks, “How are you?” – do they REALLY want to know? My experience has been, probably not. There is that polite exchange where social etiquette requires you to respond by saying, “Fine, thank you” even if you’ve just been disemboweled.
I find myself keeping my worries and concerns to myself these days and I wonder if I’m just being polite, if I’m in denial (my old friend), or if I just feel people don’t want to hear the real deal. My guess is that it’s the latter because I feel I’m pretty aware these days and I don’t remember ever being accused of being too polite.
Over the past two weeks I’ve experienced some intermittent flashing – strangely after too much caffeine – and the floaters in the left eye have gotten more noticeable and annoying. When these things occur it’s as if something drops down out of nowhere and smacks me upside the noggin, saying “Hello?! Did you forget? I mean, really!” Well, pardon me. Truth is I do forget sometimes. I’d rather forget all the time.
These reminders make me wonder if I’m doing something to cause their occurrence because things have been going well with the study. Admittedly, the past few months have been pretty crappy in terms of personal situations and I’ll spare you the details (there I go again). As a result, I haven’t taken good care of myself. There has been junk food, little exercise, and – gasp – the occasional glass of wine. It still hasn’t sunk in that I can no longer rely on my old coping/escape methods. At least smoking hasn’t been an issue for a solid decade-plus. So at least I have that going for me… (probably the only line I remember from Caddy Shack).
I refuse to beat myself up, however. I also refuse to make all sorts of “tomorrow promises”…I will do this, I will do that. Please. When tomorrow comes, I’ll decide. For now what is, is, and in this moment all is good.
So, how are you?